Managing Your Anger

anger

Anger Management

Have you ever acted out of anger, said something you regretted, hurt someone close to you? Can you think of a moment when you became so angry, you feel shame and guilt after realizing what you had done? These are the reasons why learning to control your anger is so important. When you have control, you become capable of using your anger to create positive changes in your life. Of course, you could stuff your anger down and lock it away, but don’t you want to turn something negative into a positive? 

Anger and Understanding

Anger occurs when something you notice is wrong or unjust. One example of this is someone else taking credit for your hard work. Anger shows up to notify you that there is a lack of justice and that you need to do something about it. Whenever you become frustrated it is because something important is being threatened. Could be your physical safety, your job security, or your reputation. Anger exists to motivate the body into action. 

Recognize

Next is to recognize when you’re agitated before it consumes you. Do you yell, clench your fists, or lash out at others? Recognize who you are when you become angry. What are the signs that you are frustrated, what are the signs that you have lost yourself to rage, what triggers you to the point you forget yourself? Ask yourself these questions and the answers will help you learn who you are before, during, and after your episodes. 

Breathe through Anger

When people become overwhelmed by emotions such as anger, sadness, and anxiety, irregular and often uneven breathing occurs. When it comes to the topic at hand, breathing becomes shallow and speedy. Taking a few seconds to control your breathing is a great way to manage this emotion. Breathing techniques are one of my first suggestions for all of my clients because they have various benefits to them. Through breathing techniques, you focus not on the emotions or the triggering situation, but on your breathing, which gives you time to process and calm down to regain self-control. Many breathing techniques can be done in less than 30 seconds and you have the advantage of only needing air to practice breathing techniques.

Exercise

In my sessions, clients learn about how each emotion brings forth energy. This energy is used by the body to motivate movement. This is why exercise is another way to manage anger because this emotion brings energy for the sake of movement. By exercising you are using the energy of your anger in a healthy and positive manner so long as physical limits are respected. Just about any exercise will work to manage your anger so feel free to go for a run, use weights, or walk. Doing work around the house also works to the same effect. Finishing a home project such as backsplashes in the kitchen or if you’re lucky you can do some teardowns for remodeling.

Distract from Anger

Distracting yourself from your anger is another way to manage this emotion. There are times in which the best solution is to simply distract yourself. Distraction is a great way to process as this works similar to breathing and allows you to process in peace. One of the best ways to distract yourself is to engage in things you enjoy. You can read a good book, watch stand-up comedy, go to your favorite park, play with your fur babies, and even talk to a best friend about their day. Anything you can do to distract yourself with something or someone that typically brings a sense of happiness will do the trick.

Take Space

I define taking space as finding somewhere quiet and isolating. By removing all the noise you can find peace in solitude which will help you focus. If you have reached a point that you might say or do regretful things, it is hard to find a target for your frustrations if you are alone. The best way to take space is to advocate for yourself. Self-advocacy is another skill I assist my clients in learning as this skill not only applies to managing anger but also all other areas of life. Without the ability to advocate it will be difficult to take space when around others.

Write

Many times managing anger is more about getting the frustration out. It is not uncommon to write a letter to someone and never give them the letter. The goal of this approach is to find a solution to control your agitation. By writing, you can process your thoughts and feelings while getting everything out on paper. Once you write the letter, it can be discarded which often gives a sense of closure. The point is not to let anyone know you are upset but to deal with the energy at hand.

Benefits of Control

Anger is an emotion that motivates you to act. When you learn to have control, you can use the motivation from your emotion to create positive change in your life. Instead of allowing your frustration to make decisions for you such as yelling hurtful words at a loved one, you take control of your choices by controlling your emotion. Once you gain control, you will naturally begin to use your anger for your benefit instead of your detriment. 

If you or someone you know needs help, contact me here, I’d love to help.

Speak Your Mind

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6200 S Syracuse Way Ste 260
Greenwood Village, CO 80111

James.Marrugo@MorningCoffeeCounseling.com
720.253.8272

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