Get To Know Yourself

Get to know yourself

Get To Know Yourself

One of the many things people obtain through counseling is self-awareness. Knowing yourself to completion. Knowing how you will react, think, and behave in any situation before it occurs. Know what times of situations you can handle and which of those require help. Know which types of jobs are for you. You can even discover what types of personalities are best for you. This information can help you find a high-quality spouse. I know it’s how I found mine. One of the most popular questions my clients try to answer is, “Who am I?”

Not Knowing Yourself Stems from Boundaries

Knowing who you are and are not stems from boundaries. Boundaries are intangible lines that separate us from our environment. Boundaries separate you from everything else. Not knowing who you are is a symptom and the source is a lack of boundaries. The struggle in finding your boundaries is that they are intangible. You know when a boundary is crossed because of how you feel. Angry, sad, anxious, disgusted, and so on. But where is your boundary unless someone tells you it’s there? Perhaps that’s part of the problem, others are telling you where your boundaries are. 

An exaggerated example could be a boundary between you and the broom you are currently using. Are you the broom, is the broom you, or are you one and the same? Now take this same concept and plug yourself into a relationship with another person. Do you do what your partner does, like the same things, have the same friends, and so on? Can you even tell the difference between what you like and what your partner likes? 

Greenwood Village, Colorado, 80111

Upbringing Filled with Judgment

This issue starts in childhood. As a child, you want to avoid being scolded or disciplined in some way. So you focus on gaining the approval of the adults around you by doing what’s “right”. What happens when you rarely or inconsistently get praised for being right? Then you are wrong and deserve to be scolded. So you learn to do what everyone else wants you to do even if it’s in conflict with another person. This behavior is how you cope, you are trying to avoid being wrong. If you are right, you will be accepted and not isolated. The problem is that you lost trust in your own ability to make decisions for yourself. As a child, you were rarely in the right so you learned to not trust your own judgment. 

Using Others Judgements As Your Own

Since you do not trust your own judgment, you then must trust the judgment of others. You are the type of person to ask “What do you think I should do?” As if the other person knows you as well as you do. You are silently saying, “I don’t think I’m equipped to make this decision, so you make it for me.” Are you hearing your own insecurities and lack of power at this point? You might be feeling upset with yourself. That’s ok. Just means you need to spend some time building trust, and boundaries, and getting to know yourself more. 

Greenwood Village, Colorado, 80111

Write Yourself Into a Book

One thing I like to have my clients do when struggling with their own identity is write out a character sheet. Think of the last time you read a novel. If the character creation process was well thought out, you could describe that character as if they are a friend of yours. Their likes, dislikes, past experiences, future goals, quirks, the sound of their voice, qualities, traits, shortcomings, all of it. That person to you is real. Write your own character sheet. Describe yourself as if you are describing a character to a friend you know would like the book. Actually spend time with yourself and see what comes up. 

Greenwood Village, Colorado, 80111

Spend Time Alone

Spending time alone is a great way to get to know yourself. Many of us go on dates with others in isolated situations. Coffee, drinks, dinner, sports games. You go with one other person to get to know them better. When was the last time you took yourself on a date? Before I met my now wife, I spent 5 years of my life doing this. I got to know myself so well I knew exactly what I wanted at the restaurant before I even sat down. I took myself to the movies, book stores, restaurants, clubs, bars, you name it, I went there alone to see how I would react. I learned a lot about myself during this time. I’m not saying you need to be single for 5 years. I’m encouraging you to spend some time with yourself and see how you react. What is holding you back from exploring yourself?

Greenwood Village, Colorado, 80111


Explore who you are. Pretend you are Indiana Jones and you are going on an adventure with yourself. Solving mysteries, answering age-old questions, meeting new people, or whatever your heart desires. Go explore your hobbies, your thoughts, and your emotions. Explore what it’s like to be angry, sad, anxious, in love, excited, or calm when nobody is around to interrupt your way of things. Explore your character sheet and write down how the character reacted to having dinner at a restaurant alone. Go to the movies alone and write how the character reacted. Heck, take a vacation and travel. Whatever it is you decide to do, ask yourself this question. What would Indiana Jones do right now? If the answer is to crack out the whip and get into a fight, you’ve taken this message too far and you need to go home. 

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6200 S Syracuse Way Ste 260
Greenwood Village, CO 80111

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